Target A

Target A is a Pacific Coast-based CPA. After a 25-year career with progressively more responsible and remunerative roles, she found herself in a 15-person corporate finance department. She says she was given �full charge to clean up a company that had gone awry.� However, when a colleague of her female boss began to comment on what a good job she had done, and began assigning projects to her, her boss began to lash out.

Target A says, �I began to receive scathing e-mails outlining her twisted perception of situations, some totally fabricated. I was moved from my office to a smaller office on a moment�s notice. The company I had so successfully rescued was taken from me and other, more problematic companies were assigned to me. I was called into the office and reprimanded for hearsay that would not even vaguely consider my side of the story. I was sexually harassed physically; as a female, this was particularly confusing to me. I reported my difficulties to human resources, which is what we are all told to do. Human resources told me there was nothing they could do because she was �too powerful.� The last straw was when co-workers were taken aside, one by one, and asked to file a complaint about me. A co-worker told me there was coercion involved, which some employees would not be able to resist from their supervisor out of fear for their own survival. Predictably, some co-workers obliged in giving her something to use against me. At this point, I had no choice but to leave voluntarily.�

Currently, Target A is job-hunting. She says, �I�m happy to be outside this environment but gun-shy about getting into another. In the meantime, I�m still in search of that perfect job that closely matches what I was so happy and successful at doing. I�m taking courses in stress management and conflict management in the hopes that I never again have to live through this demeaning nightmare. But if I do, I�ll be better prepared.�

Target B

Target B, from the Midwest, left a corporate finance job after 13 months because of bullying from the CFO. �She was well respected by upper management, but everybody in the department was waiting to be dumped on by her,� she says. Target B quickly found a new job at a small private company, but left after 15 months. In that case, the owner of the company was the bully.

�Every 45 days somebody was really getting it from this woman,� Target B says. �She managed by intimidation. She would actually smile when she was saying these [awful] things.� Once, she says, a co-worker, eight months pregnant, left the owner�s office sobbing so hysterically that she was unintelligible. �As a manager, I�m ineffective if I can�t help her,� Target B says. �I couldn�t complain to anybody about her because she was the owner. It�s emotionally demoralizing.�

Because she chose to leave, Target B was ineligible for unemployment compensation. �But I wrote a letter to Unemployment to start a record on [the owner] and build a case,� she says. �Something ultimately will happen. Someone will hurt her or kill her or she will hurt others.�

Right now, though, Target B is concerned with her own personal and professional survival. She says, �When I left the first job, I was so happy to have another job to go to. My resume prior to that showed five to 15 years at each position. But now I have gaps that are hard to explain. When I walked out the second time, I had no job prospects and ended up going through bankruptcy. I went from earning $90,000 a year to maybe $15,000 this year. If I had been a clerk or a factory worker, I could have changed jobs more easily. But it�s more important to me to be out of that environment then to be financially stable.�

Yet does the outcome of a bully/target situation have to provoke a choice between mental and fiscal health?

Ask the Experts: The Lawyer

Sam Samaro, a partner at the Hackensack, NJ, law firm Pashman Stein who specializes in employment law, says, �Bullying that isn�t caused by the victim�s membership in some protected class is not illegal.� In other words, if the bully attacks men and women; Christians, Jews, Muslims and atheists; blacks, whites and Asians; disabled and non-disabled people equally, he says, �It�s hard to make a legal case.�

Rather, he says, when a target asks for his help, he takes a crisis-counseling approach. He first tries to determine whether the issue is persistent bullying or just situational, and what triggers it. �We all have the capacity to be a bully in the right � or wrong � circumstances. Is this just a performance issue?� he asks. Unfortunately, he adds, �There�s no general protection from unpleasant people.�

If he�s convinced the employee is truly a victim and the manager a bully, he makes recommendations. But, he says, �Each situation is unique. There�s no one set of steps to follow for every case. In some organizations, human resources has no authority. If the bully is a very powerful person within the organization, the employee may go down in flames.�

The court of last resort, so to speak, is a legal claim for intentional infliction of emotional distress. If somebody intentionally sets out to harm you emotionally and succeeds, and you seek treatment, you might be able to start to build a case. But the criteria are high � so high, Samaro says, �I�ve never seen a case meet the threshold. It�s hard to say the bully did it intentionally.�

The Consultant

Dr. Gary Namie, director of the Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute in Bellingham, WA, and co-author of The Bully at Work, also says to discriminate between people who are merely difficult � but who are rational and can be negotiated with � and bullies, whom he calls �difficult people with horns.� Bullies can�t be reasoned with, he says, because they�re �all about power, the abuse of power, the pursuit of power. They have superior communication skills. They will slice and dice you.�

That�s why, he says, the brilliant comeback line you think up right after a confrontation just won�t work. Targets, he says, don�t have the ability to be aggressive, so the bully � who has trained and rehearsed his aggressions � can always keep them off balance. And, he says, �Unless you were born that way, it�s hard in middle age to become verbally aggressive.�

Aggression, however, is exactly what will back a bully down. �They�re cowards,� Namie says. �But when you become like them, you�ve lost.�

Instead, he offers these tips:

• Don�t appease the bully or seek his or her approval. �You don�t need their definition of you to survive.�


• Don�t backpedal, apologize or jump higher to please the bully.


• Don�t expect human resources to be your ally.


• Do ask your co-workers to support you. �They can�t fire everybody. It breaks the silence and makes it a normal, accountable world. But you�ve got to ask early. If you don�t, it�s like crying wolf. Use the power of the group to shame, humiliate and face down the bully.�


• Do make a business case to higher-ups several levels above the bully, appealing to the company�s mission, vision and values. �It�s a dollars-and-cents issue on absenteeism, turnover, litigation costs, slowed productivity and intangibles like morale. Refine the message to make it unemotional, which is hard to do.�


• Then, he says, take time off to heal. �You�ve got to be offsite and heal before you can go back and be able to make an unemotional business case.�


• Be clear about your demands. �What do you need to be made whole and safe?�

Dr. Loraleigh Keashly, associate professor of communications at Wayne State University in Detroit, says psychological warfare against a bully boss is never a good idea, mainly because the balance of power is unequal, the situation will escalate, and you�ll be doubly victimized because others will see you as a troublemaker.

Further, she says, the bully may be of greater value in helping the company achieve its goals. Thus, if the company is forced to choose between a complaining target and a valuable bully, guess who will get the pink slip. However, she says, �Good companies will step in to ask why a formerly good employee now is a troublemaker.�

Still, she offers this advice:

• Keep a journal, �for yourself and to provide documentation if there�s an investigation.�


• If it�s early on, confront the bully in a constructive way using basic conflict-resolution techniques. �Over time, your resources to respond become disabled and you�re more vulnerable.�

And if, like targets A and B, you�re uncertain about how to explain leaving your last position during a job interview, Keashly says, �Keep it professional. Focus on the work you love doing and finding an environment that will enable that work, not the messy details of the position you left.� She suggests an approach along the lines of, �The nature of the work I was doing and the kind of support I got didn�t match.�

The Targets

Target A says:

• �You can�t keep your head in the sand about office politics. Know the dynamics of the upper-management people. I was there to do a job and didn�t do the political thing. But not playing is a form of politics.�


• �As soon as things start happening, don�t assume they�ll go away. Document everything.�

• �Bullies are like catalysts. They like to hit quickly and watch. If you get back in their face and let them know it�s unacceptable, they�ll back off.�


• �It�s important to make complaints to the state unemployment offices, senators and attorneys general to help build a trend.�


• And remember: �Bullying is not a management technique.�

Related articles:
Is Your Boss a Bully?

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Reader Comment

Thanks for the follow-up story. It does take time to heal from the situation of a workforce bully. It is the same as an emotionally abusive marriage, or any relationship that contains the same elements of bully tactics. There are a lot of great marriages and a lot of great places to work, or have one's own business. I never hold a grudge or harbor the negative so to those who have kept themselves involved in the same situation for lengthy periods of time, hoping the situation will change, it does not. Personally, I am hoping to continue my life in areas that are more conducive to a happy and healthy lifestyle. I think the longer some are in the situation the harder it is for them to leave and change or redirect their own lives. One cannot change other people. It is unfortunate that victims become victims due to circumstances. It does take time in which one sees the past, and realizes they are no longer involved in the emotions. Like any negative situation, it is how one deals with the changes in life and moves through them.

There are some great comments on the Yale University Business school web site, about the word accountability. The students and friends probably have not been in a military environment or family with the same attributes. I know I do not fit with this type of mentality, and large companies usually hire these kind of people. To my father who was a MP in the army, my former husband who tested and showed high marks in military and was not, and to the last co-workers from the Citadel and military government, I know I am not the same, and have moved on for a more creative/communicative, cosmopolitan way of life. I divorced, I left the family, and hope to have happiness again in life, not trying to fit in to what was not positive in the first place for me. I may have the ability, the knowledge, and the ethics, but I am not willing to be yelled at, manipulated and become a pawn on the board of the corporation. Females coming from a background in military and government know the game, and play it to the advantage. I follow 'orders' but not people who lead in the wrong direction and do have a bully mentality. Constructive criticism for growth and career development is positive, however, bullies do not have this nurturing or managerial intelligence/knowledge in their ability to lead.

Again, thanks for the vent board on bullies in the workforce.
D.P.
29 September 2005

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It is very interesting, and not surprising, that in both cases sited the bully was a female. I have found that women in powerful positions tend to do their best to eliminate the competition, particularly female competition. Women early in their careers may think that it�s a good idea to align themselves with a successful female mentor when, in fact, they often turn out to be their worst enemy. It�s sad, really, that women don�t try to help each other gain exposure and success within an organization, but they typically do not (at least not in my experience). Women can be downright vicious toward other women if they sense any competition at all, even on a personal level. My advice to anyone in that type of role: just get out. These women didn�t get where they are by being stupid and not covering their tracks. You can bet that they are well connected with the right people at the top and will make you look foolish to even suggest that they are in the wrong. It may be lonely for women at the top, but I assure you, they like it that way! If you are a strong, smart, successful woman, go to work for a man. Trust me.

C.E.
5 October 2005
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Hooray for you!

I worked part-time for a woman at a community college here in NC who raved about my work. She made sure that I secured a short-term contract and stayed on with benefits. One day, however, I questioned something that she was doing and she began bullying me in meetings. I didn't like it and she saw it in my face. When she followed me to my office she began shouting and pointing her finger at me (literally 2 inches from my
nose) when I questioned whether she cared about her employees. She realized that she had lost it and went to get someone (?) I didn't stay there - but left to go to another office before it got out of control.
I was so upset I started crying and shaking. I refused to go into her office (alone) later to 'talk' with her. She attempted to fire me and had the campus police escort me out the next day. I fought it and was told to report to work by her superior but she refused to have anything to do with me. My work group was moved to another campus and my contract was not renewed upon expiration.

She is still there and has continued to bully more people who have followed. A good friend is also there and has suffered tremendously with this women. Best thing I did was to leave when my contract was up.
I am glad, however, that I fought her attempts to fire me. I can't wait til they figure out what she's got on the administration and fire her!
An incompetent self-aggrandizing little bully who relies on her protected status - surely not her ability!

In fact - most of the people who were bullies - were women!!!!

Thanks for your article

N.P.
5 October 2005
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I was a manager for a company that excludes women and if you are a minority woman, God help you. This exclusive behavior included exclusion from meetings and decisions, poor office accommodations, belittling in front of my subordinates, ignoring my ideas and lack of administrative support. My subordinates could get help to write their expense reports and I was not. This is 2005 and not 1955! I treated my employees with respect and was ignored for my teambuilding skills. I did not take it and fought back through dialogs and rebuttals to �employee improvement process forms� and �performance reviews�.

As an engineer who has experienced many firsts by being black and female, I had to earn my positions. Nothing was given freely or shared as it was among the guys. Many of the employees I managed were white males that were a joy to work with and did their best. It was management that used my successes to boost their own careers and covered and snubbed my efforts. Elevating my concerns did nothing to help my situation and I toiled on anyway fighting to maintain my dignity. Finally the effects of the stress made me sick and I had to go on medical for major surgery. Upon my return they tried to overload me to make me appear incompetent. I was not well enough to fight back anymore and got laid off. The disclosure statement that I had to sign was a gag order to protect the guilty and hide the evil deeds that they did. If I did not sign, my finances would have been held hostage. Had I not rebuttal the incorrect reviews they would have tried to fire me. Racism and gender bias are alive and well in America. Make no mistake about that. As for this company, they are in such financial straits that there are bets wagered against how long they have left. The only fear that these kinds of companies have is a lawsuit if anyone has the backbone to stand with a group and fight back. Until then people like me will always be the lone ranger and hopefully other young women (black and white) will learn that they do not have to take this stuff sitting down. Somehow, I believe these people will reap what they sew.

Emancipated, liberated and entrepreneurial.
5 October 2005

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Earlier this year, I left a job I have loved for 11 years, at a media organization known for being a champion of intellectual discourse and fair-minded dialogue. KCRW is described by some as 'the best radio station in the U.S.' I was the local on-air host during 'All Things Considered' on weekday afternoons.

The radio station is a study in women bullying women - and the majority of the office staff and managers are women. I can't speak to anyone else's situation there, but what happened to make me quit was something I never dreamed could happen in such a place. I wrote about it at length, on an ad-hoc blog; the url is
http://angelfire.com/journal2/700days.

I wrote about what happened, because I'm just one of many people who are treated badly at the station - and these are intelligent, evolved people, with worlds of talent to contribute. They are used, congratulated, then cast aside. It's a sick cycle. Everyone stays silent about it, because they want to continue working for such a prestigious organization - and management holds that prestige over everyone else's head. Stay silent and agree - or else.

Quite a philosophy for an organization whose prestige comes from the very talent it abuses. If you do a google search, you'll find many examples of people who loved what they did and put passion on those airwaves, and eventually received a fist in the chops for their efforts.

I wish I were exaggerating. I'm not.

Thank you for your article. I understand there are laws in most European countries, in Canada, and in Australia, against mistreatment by employers - and of employers, by employees. In the U.S., unless discrimination of some sort is involved, cruelty and harassment is entirely within the law.

Cindi Burkey
11 October 2005